Sunday, July 5, 2009

If video games were IRL.

I'd use a Katamari to clean my house. Sure, I'd have to buy all new furniture, but I would just rob banks and be able to get away with it, so I could pay for it no-problem-o. I would have level five shock so if my car dies, I can just give it a quick jump...also if someone pisses me off I can just threaten to turn them into human jerky. Then make a witty joke about how they already are because they're already a "jerk." Get it? In turn, my personality stats would go up, and I would be more popular...until I have to steal something again and then my morality would slowly creep closer to evil. I would probably grow horns or something. Nahh, I am pretty 50/50 when it comes to picking either good or evil, so I probably wouldn't have any outstanding features.

I would wear the most sensible clothes because I care more about efficiency than style. My dog could locate treasure for me which I would pawn off to the villagers (similar to a yard sale, I suppose). Since I'd have sweet knife skills, I would be able to cut carrots more uniform. No one likes a shitty julienne! If I get hurt, I could just drink some potion and be good as new. I'd never get ill, and my only real addiction would be to plasmids.

But alas, I'm just an ordinary girl.

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