Thursday, October 21, 2010

The Inner Workings of a Serious Loser.

Sometimes I get in this self-hating mindset where I wonder what I'm doing with my life. Top of my list of gripes are usually: I have few friends, I don't have a college degree, I don't have a husband or child or settled down family of my own, I prefer knitting to going clubbing. It makes me feel like a loser. Like one of those people you look at or casually remember and go, "oh yeah...her." But this is the first time that I have had that feeling while on a long-term adventure across Europe. When that feeling morphs into one of, "If you feel like THIS makes you a loser, then wow, you really are one," you know?

Let's attack my mind for a minute, which is normal considering what this entire post is about...First gripe: Few friends. Well, you can do the whole "quality over quantity" bit, but I think the more relevant fact is that I have spent the last like...two years straight with my best friend, including that fact that we're, I don't know, traveling the world together? Also, I feel like if I had a college degree, it would be kind of a waste if I were spending my time gallavanting around Europe all willy-nilly (which would be financially difficult if I preferred clubbing to knitting), and finally, nearly impossible if I had children.

So when you go back over the reasons why I feel like a loser, it makes sense that I would feel more like one for wanting to be "normal." Being all settled in, tied up in a pretty bow, would mean that I wouldn't be spending the next four-five months exploring the world and doing whatever the fuck I want. I mean, I just decided that I want to go to Belgium for my birthday. Belgium. For my birthday. Who does that? Well, I'm sure people in Europe can do it more reasonably, but the point is that if I wanted to see anything in the Eastern hemisphere, I could be there within about 24 hours. And I think that's pretty freaking awesome.

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